When looking at what others say about their journeys on social media, and other internet platforms I can’t help but think that there isn’t a single one of them that’s being repeatedly uppercutted to the face by the absolute. It leaves me wondering if there’s any one out there going through a cataclysmic, self annihilating , ego pulping, punch drunk inducing emotional upheaval of an awakening. I mean there must be someone. If there is, perhaps like me,they just hover silently in the background as another emotional layer of self gets ripped off wondering what the hell just happened and what everyone is talking about. Sanskrit wordage and Eastern spiritual intellectualism seems to be rife, intricate philosophy that seems to go around and around in circles that doesn’t say or point to much much at all. I wish i had the faintest idea of what they’re talking about but I honestly don’t have a fucking clue.
That’s not to slate Sanskrit wordage, I’ve had Sanskrit words that I’d never heard of come up during the early stages when the point of no return was passed. It’s gone now, let go of, it’s no use, just more baggage to get attached to, more beliefs to hold on to, beliefs that act as a barrier to the truth. Again I ask the question – is there anyone out there going through this?
I can see ego clearly now, I can see how the bulk of seekers are creating a new identity for themselves, a spiritual identity that will keep them trapped for as long as they fuel it with emotional charge. A new false self. I can see it because I did it for years, It still comes up but I’ve got my eye on it and recognise it for what it is. It seems that no one is more full of their own shit than a huge chunk of the spiritual community. ME INCLUDED. It’s important for me to see it in myself, and leave everyone else to it. It’s a lonely journey, I really have given up trying to explain to people that I’m losing my sense of self. The usual reaction is ‘oh, I see’ or ‘are you OK?’ or ‘Have you joined a cult?’
Shit, I don’t even understand it all myself, I’m literally taking one day at a time, it’s all i can do. Still, i wonder is there anyone else going through this?
Is there any one squaring up to the universe and asking it to wake them the fuck up regardless if it kills them or not, regardless if they go insane or not? I once asked a question on a spiritual platform, it went something like this –
Would you be prepared to completely let go of your spiritual journey and practice in order to be completely free? I went on with – If the very thought of doing this brings up fear it’s an indication of clinging.
Well, surprise surprise it didn’t get much response, it seems folk are too tied up in Spiritual Intellectualism and complex spiritual none sense.
I’m slowly learning that this clinging to the quest is a tactic of ego to perpetuate it’s own very existence. It’s a sneaky bastard.
If I were ever to bump into Lord Krishna this is what I’d say – ‘With your jewel handled sword and ten thousand gold chariots behind you, take their fucking heads off, all of them clean off but can i ask of you one favour – that you take mine off first. You wet my lips in Greece, I tasted the Eternal through your grace and here I now am like a bleeding animal sucking for air – finish me off.’
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Truth Seeker 