Shiva – just fucking kill me

Shiva ‘The Destroyer’

This experience happened a couple of weeks ago whilst falling asleep, I felt a mass of energy in my entire body that came in from nowhere. It felt so lovely, entire body filled with love/bliss. I began to dream as it was happening, I dreamt I was trying to fly, the more I let go and surrendered the higher I flew and the more intense the love/bliss energy became. The word Shiva came up into my awareness as all this was happening, Sanskrit again, I don’t know why Hindu stuff is coming up, I really don’t know anything anymore this is so fucking intense, at times so profoundly beautiful and others so emotionally draining with all the hurt coming up to be faced experienced, felt and let go of. Yeah, back to Shiva, I said ‘Shiva – just fucking kill me’. I surrendered and let go. I stirred awake shortly after and felt completely relaxed, the remnants of the energy were still present in my body. Beautiful.

From wikipedia –

Shiva (/ˈʃɪvə/Sanskrit: शिव, romanizedŚivalit.‘The Auspicious One’ [ɕɪʋɐ]), also known as Mahadeva (/ˈməhɑː dɛvə/; Sanskrit: महादेव:, romanized: Mahādevaḥlit. ‘The Great God’ [mɐɦaːd̪eːʋɐ]),[9][10][11] is one of the principal deities of Hinduism. Lord Shiva is said to be the deity of death and time. In Sanskrit language, kālá means time. He is the Supreme Being in Shaivism, one of the major traditions within Hinduism.

I’ve mentioned before that Sanskrit stuff is coming up, I don’t know why as I’ve never studied any Hindu spiritual stuff, I don’t suppose it really matters as it all needs to be let go of anyway, that’s not to say that there isn’t a massive feeling of respect for what’s happening but I know deep inside that I can’t cling to these happenings as lovely as they are. I’ve started to notice really feint energetic happenings in the heart area recently, questions arise as to how long this process will take. It feels like I’m totally in limbo, patience and trust is needed. I learned a while ago that I cant take an ounce of credit for what’s happening, how could I? How could I make this stuff happen? I can only just make a fucking spag’ ‘bol’.

I’ve stood at my bedroom window in the past, howled and demanded of the universe with so much intent from every cell in my body that I want every last bit of buried emotional trauma, hurt, pain and fear up to the surface and out of me for good, all of it, every last bit. It feels like my prayer to the universe is being answered. There’s been more emotional release today, more shit gotten rid of, I didn’t know there could this much shit down there but up it keeps coming…

*note – any talk of wanting to be killed by Hindu deities is spoken in a sense of spiritual death and rebirth

Author: truthseeker1977

I’m a 44 year old seeker of authentic, abiding none dual spiritual awakening. U.K.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: