By remaining conscious I was beginning to notice my mind becoming quieter, the fear was still there but my mind was becoming quiet, sometimes deafeningly quiet, I sat in the house early one morning with this silence in my head and actually thought I’d literally lost my mind. It was(and still is)like no thoughts come up and if they do come up there isn’t much weight to them. I was massively confused and questioning this silence that was in my head. Could I let go into it? Well, I tried that driving home from the beach and nearly jumped out of my skin, it really felt like I was drowning in water, like I wasn’t going to exist, this was fucking terrifying. Home I drove in total confusion.
There was a big pull toward being in nature and still is. I’ve always loved the outdoors and it really feels like a sanctuary now, I love the quiet of it, I love to reflect on stuff there. I visited the forest in early April totally confused, the weather was rough cold and hail stoning, a real showery day. I was wrapped up well in a big coat and scarf stood with my back against a tree waiting for the hail shower to stop. When it did the sun broke out and lit the entire forest up, my mind was empty of thoughts and everything looked pristine, I was totally gobsmacked by the beauty I was witnessing, everything looked crystal clear, high definition totally beautiful. Feelings of confusion came up as I went to walk through the forest. A walker walked toward me and said hello, where as before there’d always been a contraction when I met people this time there wasn’t I said hello back and that was that. As soon as the word left my mouth the silence was back, no after thoughts about the person I’d just seen came up. Back to silence. I continued through the forest which led to a country road near a reservoir of water. A horse and rider clopped down the lane, the horses breath left it’s nostrils filling the cold air with vapour. The sound of the horses hooves hitting the tarmac road echoed off the stone walls, the sunlight lit up it’s brown hair. I was blown away. It felt like there was no one in. What was happening to me? I wanted the peace I experienced in the forest to last but it didn’t.
I was overwhelmed, confused and scared of everything that was happening to me. I remember one day I went upstairs to my bed, I lay on my back and stopped fighting, like really stopped fighting my body became heavy and my breathing became deep. That night I went to bed scared and wondering what the hell was happening to me, I eventually got to sleep(I hadn’t slept well in weeks) and was awoken by a movement of pleasant energy in my body in the chest area, this was accompanied by a dream of little spirits ascending what looked like a ladder. I went down the stairs from my room to the toilet and on the stairs the thought ‘the anointed ones’ came up into my mind from no where. I sat on the toilet with the bathroom door open with not a single though arising in my head, not one, total quiet in the dead of night. Quite perplexing as my mind is usually going at a hundred miles an hour….there wasn’t a feeling of peace with this silence. I’d say there was a certain dryness to it.
There were more movements of energy accompanied by dreams after this up until present day which I’ll go into as I continue the blog, there have also been some really beautiful synchronicities which I’m not sure about sharing as I feel they’re quite personal to my journey. The next few posts like the last couple will be kinda like catch up posts then I’ll document stuff as it happens.