Yesterday I felt a quite prominent feeling of emptiness below the neck, it was really lovely, like an open empty spaciousness in the body, it feels like my field of awareness has opened up, like seeing from the body as well as the head, I don’t know how else to describe it. Whilst this was happening I could feel right in my gut the energy working, really pleasant sensation. According to Bonnie Greenwell PHD the feelings of bliss during a kundalini awakening are the body’s cells releasing stuff. This was prominent pretty much the whole of yesterday, and today. The feelings of bliss in the gut have been happening for months now, there’s been occasions where theres been no bliss down there but a real solid feeling of groundedness in the body. It’s strange, the emptiness in the body, it’s like my sense of self is going down the tubes and what I didn’t realise before is that I must have drawn a big sense of self from my body below the neck. It’s hard to explain, Bernadette Roberts said that we don’t really know what ego is until it’s gone, I think this may be happening here. Like I didn’t know I drew a sense of self from the body until my sense of self in the body started to disappear. As much as yesterday was lovely, I still found it hard being around an interacting with people, I was with my aunt, a woman I’ve known, loved and trusted all my life, it still felt strange though there’s still the confusion. One of my favourite things to watch at the moment is the birds flying, they look so free and easy, sometimes blown about by the winter wind. It’s like i’m watching them from a bigger space of awareness than before.
I noticed a little yesterday the energy/bliss moving up from the gut to the heart area in a really subtle way, it wasn’t there longer than a minute or so. Last march when the shit hit he fan most of the energetic phenomenon were actually in the heart and not the gut, I remember feeling a lot of mild discomfort in the heart like stuff was being unblocked followed by big feelings of love and bliss. I really did think that the awakening process was all to do with the mind but I’m learning that so much of this stuff happens below the neck also. I’ve also felt it in the crown of my head, tingling sensations, quite strange when you’re at work shootin’ the shit with your mates! Yesterday really gave me some, I don’t know if confidence is the right word, maybe reassurance that there is an awakening process happening. I feel like I’ve gotta watch for that sneaky ego sneaking in trying to turn it into something for itself. All kinds of thoughts were coming up, ‘when I’m awake I’ll be this that or the other’ or ‘when I’m awake I’ll be at peace’ but it really feels that if I awaken ‘I’ won’t be here to experience it. Fuck you ego!
I’m out walking alone nearly every evening, sometimes with headphones yearning/loving/contemplating the divine with a massive authentic desire to be drawn right into its depths. Other times I’m out walking turning stuff over in my head, questioning, enquiring, thinking about everything thats happened over the last 11 months. Music has played a massive part in my journey so far, I remember before the shit hit the fan driving around listening to The Who track ‘Who are you?’ full blast on repeat, I’d be singing along with so much intent, really pumping this stuff out into the universe, only I inverted the question ‘Who are you?’ into ‘Who am I?’ Thanks, Ramana. I listen to some of Neil Youngs stuff while driving around the countryside, really contemplating, asking enquiring deep within. Such a great songwriter, straight from the heart. David Bowies ‘Quicksand’ has been another song that I’ve self enquired within with.
……..
Don’t believe in yourself, don’t deceive with belief
Knowledge comes with death’s release
Aah-aah, aah-aah, aah-aah, aah-aah
I’m not a prophet or a stone-age man
Just a mortal with the potential of a superman
I’m living on
I’m tethered to the logic of Homo Sapien
Can’t take my eyes from the great salvation
Of bullshit faith
If I don’t explain what you ought to know
You can tell me all about it on the next Bardo
I’m sinking in the quicksand of my thought
And I ain’t got the power anymore
Don’t believe in yourself, don’t deceive with belief
Knowledge comes with death’s release
Aah-aah, aah-aah, aah-aah, aah-aah
Don’t believe in yourself, don’t deceive with belief
Knowledge comes with death’s release
Aah-aah, aah-aah, aah-aah, aah-aah
Knowledge comes with deaths release – what a fucking line…floors me every time I hear it. And that key change on the second verse, wtf!
Truth Seeker 