This side effect for want of better words is quite rife in me at the moment. It has been for several months now. Pretty much zero mental clarity to the point that it seems impossible to plan a weeks food shopping let alone make any life changing decisions. It feels like my thought processes have been scrambled. Turned to mush. I had a hunch of my own that this phenomenon was some kind of priming process for the Eternal now as it’s really difficult to recall any past memories and to think into the future. Which kinda punches another hole in any sense of self that I have left.
I did a little research and a few people suggest that the brain fog takes place during an awakening as kundalini rewires the brains neural pathways for an awakened life. It’s mad, pretty much every night I’ll sit and can hear a high pitched ringing in both ears, sometimes it’ll go really loud in one ear (usually the left) for a few seconds and then back to the low level ringing. Other phenomena include a rapid twitching of my left eyelid at random times, usually evening. And a rapid twitching right tricep which usually accompanies the left eyelid, nice.
A few weeks ago whilst falling asleep I felt bliss right in the centre of my forehead, I didn’t even know I had a fucking forehead until I felt bliss there….
Back to the brain fog, yeah, quite confusing, concentration is nigh on impossible, reading is hard work, carrying out simple logical tasks is a bit of mission. Remembering stuff is hard, trying to get any kind of flow with tasks that require any real thought is difficult.
A few weeks ago my Aunt lost her partner of 30 years, me and my Aunt are close, she’s been like a mother to me since mine died 24 years ago, she’s a heart of gold. On hearing that her boyfriend was found dead in his flat I naturally raced over to her house to offer love and support as she was obviously very upset. We drank some tea together, I expressed my love for her with a big hug and told her that I’m there for her whenever she needs me. I left and went home, a 30 minute drive. Once home it was like I’d never been to my Aunts, where once there’d have been all the thoughts, and memories of our meeting there was now an empty foggy hole. I had to clap my hands together at home that night and repeatedly audibly remind myself to call my Aunt the next day and check she was ok. That’s what brain fog is like. Before this process I’m in it would be absolutely ridiculous to even think I’d have to remind self to call my Aunt in those circumstances, it would have been second nature.
I’ll start reading a book and the day after it’ll be difficult to recollect even starting it let alone trying to remember what I actually read, Thoreau will have to wait for now, I’d struggle with a Mr Man book at the minute. I sometimes find half eaten biscuits and cakes on the side in the kitchen that I started eating, put down and completely forgot about, I read that one guy during an awakening process actually had himself checked out for Alzheimer’s his brain was that mushed, nice.
These aren’t complaints, I’m just relaying my story as it happens. I’m getting exactly what I’ve asked and been yearning for for the last 13 years. I didn’t imagine it would be like this, the long drawn out process, the feelings of going stark raving mad, the memory loss, the fear, the lack of a sense of self, no goals, no future plans. I feel like a rudderless boat. It’s hard to let go and just drift, nice.