I’m now comparing my self to a polo mint, the mint with the hole. I’m like a mint with a hole in it, only the minty outside bit is what’s left of my sense of self and the hole seems to be the Divine, Truth or whatever we want to call it making itself known and continuously eroding away what’s left of the solid minty bit, or, my me-ness.
Before the hole rather violently made its entry, there was a very solid sense of me, or self in its place. This me-ness was made up of all my beliefs, all my opinions, all my past memories, all my future projections, all my ideas, all my wants and desires and my don’t wants. A lot of my interests and desires fell away on the arrival of the hole, this made the minty outside bit start to panic, also the fact that there’s now a gaping and seemingly widening hole right in the centre of what I thought I was brings in a certain amount fear and confusion too.
Now, I’m starting to notice the beginnings of what seems like quite a deep quiet in this new centre, it’s like a palpable presence inside and outside me. I’m taking this as a signal or sign that I’m on the right track as bewildering as it is. I really can’t see how it’s possible to reverse this process once it’s started, I don’t see how the aperture could close up again, maybe it could but I don’t see how.
Mental noise is really quite low, I still feel very human emotions, stress, anger, hurt and all the others but it now seems there isn’t much mental story behind them, it’s like the emotions are coming up from a sub or unconscious place. Theres’s been very pleasant energetic feelings in the gut almost daily for about a year, and I’m noticing mild tingling and head pressure in my, er, head.