My life has been turned upside down since the awakening in March ’21, losing a sense of self has changed everything. Old stuff has fallen away, old habits, some friendships have dwindled, new interests have come in. It’s like the stuff that’s fallen away wasn’t really serving my life in a healthy way and needed to go. As I’ve mentioned in other posts there’s been energetic phenomenon happening, Kundalini stuff. For the first eighteen months after the initial shattering I was experiencing a lovely energetic pleasantness right in my lower belly, sometimes mild sometimes extreme, this was located to an area about two or three inches below my belly button. It was pretty much there daily for about a year and a half tringing away, it seemed to disappear for a few months and has now returned again, I can feel it now as I type these words. I’ve felt tinglings in the top of my head, heart area and forehead, I’ve felt the amazing feeling of spaciousness in my body, so light, so light. I’m quite sure I received Shaktipat, I’ve nearly been jolted out of bed by a powerful energetic force, this has happened a few times now. I’ve felt columns of energy in my spine. There’s been amazing synchronicity happenings, premonitions that have happened, intense heat in the gut that came from nowhere, tremendous emotional upheaval and purging (the first year). It feels like my head has been blown off.
All of the above, plus no sense of self and the responsibilities of running a house on a low income is demanding to say the least, It’s exhausting sometimes, and I’ve got to look after myself physically. I’m listening to my body, it knows what I need, when I need it and it lets me know when I need to know.
Sleep – this is crucial to the whole thing. If I don’t get enough sleep I feel quite horrendous, like bat shit crazy horrendous. I used to be able to do tonnes of stuff on hardly any sleep, yeah I’d be tired but I’d still get stuff done and be a ‘good’ productive member of society. Now, things are quite different, the lack of self that it feels like I’m very slowly adjusting to plays haywire with my mind, catastrophising thoughts can come up, fearful thoughts can come up, I’m going crazy thoughts can come up. When I’m over tired it’s like these thoughts have been plugged into a Marshall stack and amplified. The whole thing is very confusing when I’m not tired, but when I’m really tired up go the levels of confusion which doesn’t feel very pleasant. So yeah, sleep is vital, I never used to nap in the afternoon after work, I always thought it was a waste of valuable time, but now if I’m tired I’ll get some sleep which could be anything from half an hour to three hours if I need it.
Water – I never used to drink much water, now, I’m drinking around five or six pints a day. It feels like my body needs it so I answer my body’s call and keep the water levels good and high. If I don’t get enough water I really feel tired and out of sorts.
Diet – Again it’s crucial to the whole shebang that I eat regularly, I don’t always eat the healthiest diet but I don’t eat the worst either, I’m mindful to make sure there’s coal in the fire. Good old common sense. The energetic phenomenon can sometimes leave me feeling lightheaded, I remember quite clearly being at work one day fairly recently driving a van with no sense of self whatsoever, I was a bit panicky and light headed. A huge dump of pies and a sandwich seemed to help with the queasiness, oh and a big fat cake. I also remember at the very onset of the awakening feeling ravenously hungry for a few weeks, so again I gave my body what it told me it wanted. I’m a sucker for a chocolate bar, I can get home from work and eat a handful of chocolate bars, the sugar leaves me feeling quite jittery though, so I try to just have one. Maybe I should just give up my life and eat fucking rice all day. The aforementioned jitteryness comes from nearly two and a half years of my body’s nervous system being cranked right up, (this is why I nap, it’s not a luxury, or an afternoon treat, it’s crucial and feels vital to the process, I still have responsibilities to uphold and a house to run which feels ten times as hard when I’ve not slept enough) Kundalini and no sense of self can do that to a guy.
Exercise – A good blast through nature on a hardtail mountain bike ticks all the exercise boxes for me, it’s good cardio, it’s good for my ageing frame (my body not the bike frame) and it brings much joy, I sometimes whack my shins off the DMR V12’s – this doesn’t bring joy. If my shins had chakras they’d be well and truly blocked or malfunctioning by now. My body is my physical and emotional guidance system, it pays to look after it, well, except the shins.
Things I now avoid – caffiene (totally), alcohol (totally), too much sugary food except the odd chocolate bar and slice o’ cake, fizzy sugary drinks, overcrowded places unless I really have to go. I also avoid Kundalini discussion groups on social media, from where I’m looking I’d say 90 percent of the posts there are of a catastrophic nature, I know from my own experience that this can be a demanding energy to have awake in ones system, and I fully understand, empathise and send love to all those that are struggling with it and hope they find some balance. That said, for me to read Kundalini horror stories all day would be like throwing petrol on a fire so I avoid it. I don’t use any drugs; or burn any incense it gives me a head ache. The news, anything politics related I just can’t bring myself to watch or listen to, no need to go into why here, it’s a no brainer really. Horror films, I can’t watch them anymore, I never used to watch many any way but nah, not for me nowadays.
So, I guess that’s it for today, supermarket soon, i wonder if the people there will notice that there’s no one here….
Truth Seeker 